Child Sexual Abuse Awareness: Be proactive

This was as hard to write as it is to read but we must address the epidemic of child sexual abuse..

To ensure that I make the facts easy to follow, I have used bullet-points to help set apart facts so that they are not lost in the body of the paper.

When people imagine child sexual abuse they think often about a guy in a van handing out candy. This is a dangerously false understanding. Too many people believe the threat is “out there.” It is Not! We cannot prepare for a risk that we don’t understand. Here are some facts that people are not aware of.

• 90% of child molesters never enter the justice system. Therefore, background checks are not a fool-proof safeguard.
• 90% of abuse victims know and trust their abuser. It is seldom a stranger.
• 1 out of 3 girls will be sexually abused by age 18.
• 1 out of 6 boys will be sexually abused by age 18.
• 2 out of 3 children don’t tell about their abuse until adulthood, if ever.
• There are 657,000 registered sexual offenders in the United States (2017).
• There is no visual profile of an abuser. Abusers come from all segments of society.
• Child sexual abusers are often ‘religious’, married, educated, attractive, & have families.
• To gain access to children, abusers groom the gatekeepers– trusted adults in a program – by appearing helpful, trustworthy, and responsible.
• Sexual offenders go where the barriers are the lowest. Volunteer organizations depend on helpers and are happy to invite volunteers into their children’s programs without knowing the risk.

What is Child Sexual Abuse? In the State of Wisconsin, “Sexual abuse is defined as sexual intercourse, sexual contact, sexual exploitation, forced viewing of or listening to sexual activity, and engaging a child in prostitution.” Please notice, that one does not have to touch a child to be guilty of child sexual abuse.

Here are some questions that need to be answered by any youth-focused organization.

• Since child sexual abuse is not well understood, at the teen center we created a safety system. What safety system is in place where you minister, and what are its specific components?
• What constitutes a ‘reasonable safety system’ for your program? (What is ‘enough’?).
• Does the SYSTEM include training on grooming behaviors of child sexual abusers? Does it include an effective screening process (application and interviews) to protect children from abusers?
• Do staff members and employees know ‘what to do’ when an allegation is received?

Sexual Abuse has increased dramatically.

Peer-to-peer sexual abuse has risen by 300% in the past five years. Teens are acting out the abuse they received on younger kids. When asked where they learned this behavior, children respond, “from an adult, or the internet.”

There are steps you can take to help prevent sexual abuse. These include:

• Selective hiring: Organizations need a skillful screening process that asks hard and strategic questions.
• Supervisory guidelines: Training is necessary that includes how to respond when a child reports abuse.
• Educational programs: To know the risks and strategies of grooming behaviors.

If we have uncovered some detrimental information during the application process, we will discuss this information with the applicant. People make mistakes on applications. The interview may help to clear up mistakes.

Child Protective Services (CPS)

What if a child reports abuse? The law says you must IMMEDIATELY make a report if you suspect abuse is occurring and that if you don’t you can be held accountable for it.

If you learn of abuse in the morning report it in the morning!

“Sexual abuse is defined as sexual intercourse, sexual contact, sexual exploitation, forced viewing of or listening to sexual activity, and engaging a child in prostitution.”

You do not have to touch a child to be guilty of sexual abuse.

• Report if the child is/was UNDER 18 years of age.
• Report if you believe coercion or exploitation is involved.
• CPS is mandated to report all sexual abuse to law enforcement within 12 hours of the report.

Grooming Behaviors

The term grooming is used two ways here. It refers to the process by which a child molester attempts to earn the trust of the adults in a youth context— the gate-keepers. They seek to earn the respect of the coaches, volunteer leaders, and people in authority so that they may gain access to children and get the child alone. Grooming may begin at the club where children are present and will likely continue in privacy outside the club.

Grooming of children is defined as “the process by which a molester selects and prepares a child for sexual interaction.” Grooming behaviors are inherent in all places where a person or group seeks exploitation of vulnerable populations.

To gain access to children, abusers groom the gatekeepers – trusted adults in a ministry program – by appearing helpful, trustworthy, and responsible. This is exactly what we want from volunteers right? That they are helpful, trustworthy, and responsible. Therein lies the danger. Groomers are skilled at using the system to their advantage. I am not saying all people who are trustworthy, helpful, and responsible are grooming others, but I am convinced that we must be aware of the skill level many groomers possess. The emphasis here is to communicate that leaders too often side with groomers when a child reports abuse because the groomers have gained the trust of leaders.

The Three-Pronged Approach to Abuse

To understand why adults seek children as sexual partners we must begin by addressing how the abusers can justify their actions. There is a three-pronged approach to their behavior.

1: It begins with- Deviant Sexual Desire

• Certainly, we believe that seeking children as sexual partners is deviant.
• They have an age & gender-specific child they pursue for sexual pleasure.

2: Faulty Thinking:

• They rationalize their lust.
• They often truly believe they are “showing love to the child.”
• “We’re not blood related so it’s OK.”
• “She asked for it.” Or, “she came on to me.”
• “I was teaching him/her about sex.”
• “I’m not hurting him/her.”
• “There was no intercourse.”
• “The child never said stop.” However, Children are raised to obey adults so children do not believe they can say stop.

3: Access

• Abusers have an age & gender-specific child they pursue for sexual pleasure.
• To gain access to children for sexual pleasure, the abuser must groom the leaders and then the child.
• Gaining Access-
  • Grooming Behaviors: Leaders
  • “The process by which a molester attempts to earn the trust of the leaders.”
  • Molesters are looking for trusted time alone with the child in his age and gender of preference.
  • Grooming Behaviors: Children
  • The process by which a molester selects and prepares a child for sexual interaction.”
• Groomers seek-
  • Career/volunteer opportunities related to children
  • To gain the trust of the child’s caregivers
  • To create the appearance of being helpful, trustworthy, and kind
  • Skillful ways to meet a child’s needs

These needs can be physical (providing shoes, clothing, food etc) or emotional.

• Affection
• Fun
• During the process, groomers are selecting a certain child or children on the fringe or those alone. Often, these children are seeking attention and affection from adults.
  • If you watch children play you will notice who is on the fringe and not involved.
  • Children are looking for someone to follow or trust. “Everybody wants to belong.” Groomers count on this need in children.
  • Children from broken homes or of a single parent are often targeted.
  • Children involved with drugs or alcohol are often targeted.
  • Children interested in pornography or sex are often targeted.
• Once the Child has been Selected the common behaviors of groomers are:
  • Gift giving, special privileges to only a few or one child.
  • Games, activities special to a child in that specific age range.
  • Repeated “Time Alone” with one child.
  • Touchy, pushing back boundaries.
  • Barrier testing and erosion is used when the groomer tests the child’s perceived physical boundaries.
  • Every child has a sense of personal space but through repeated touch, the barriers can come down. The molester expects & anticipates this.

Barrier testing may include

• • • Tickling
    • Ice in the panties, down the shirt games
    • Wrestling
    • Pulling down a child’s shorts for a laugh
    • There is often the introduction of nudity and sexual touch
• Sexual discussion and joking
• Playful touch and “accidental nudity”
• Magazines, movies with nudity and sex
• Groomers are often Rule-Breakers. Frequently, they are warned when they disobey policies but are seldom removed and disciplined because they are skilled groomers and appear repentant and sorrowful. Yet, they continue to break the rules because they get away with it.
  • Breaking the rules may involve alcohol, porn, and isolation of a child.
  • Groomers justify why it is OK. “The child wanted to talk privately…”
• Once the molester has gained access and trust from a child, he then must keep the child silent.
• Secrecy has been woven into the entire grooming process.
• Secrecy includes rewards and threats
  • Shame and embarrassment
  • Threats (subtle or direct)
    • “Nobody will believe you.”
    • “If you tell I will kill you.”
    • “If you tell I will kill your pet.”
  • Subtle Threats
    • “If you tell it will ruin our youth group.”
    • “If you tell your friends will make fun of you.”
• Many abuse survivors believed that in some way it was their fault.
  • Abusers know this and exploit it.
  • Pictures are often taken of the child and they do not want the images shared and so they remain silent.
• “No one will believe you or care.”
  • This is powerful because it is true!
  • Because the Gatekeepers have been groomed by the abuser and because the victims often are on the fringe, they are easy to dismiss.

Leaders of any youth organization must Be Aware of the exploitation of children. Children abusing other children sexually has risen exponentially!

1. Be aware of an older child who continually attempts to separate a smaller, younger, or weaker child from the group.
2. Be aware of children who do not want to be with another child.
3. Teenagers are children and must be supervised at all times.
4. “Boyfriend” and “girlfriend” status does not make sexual interaction acceptable or harmless.
5. Child Sexual Abuse is the number one reason churches end up in court. Churches and non-profit youth organizations are ill-prepared for the constant threat facing children.

Training is available through organizations such as MinistrySafe and Child Protective Services. Find out how you may be educated and empowered to protect the children in your care. Please do not rely on CPAC or other online sites that offer background checks. These are not qualified services. You must pay for services that adequately research the backgrounds of volunteers. If it is cheap and easy it is not adequate to protect children in your care. Be wise. Be diligent. This risk is everywhere.

I have barely scratched the surface of child sexual abuse awareness in the blog. Please perform due diligence and become educated on the risks inherent in youth organizations.

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